I’VE SEEN THE FUTURE, OVER COFFEE….

 I had a great weekend.  Actually, I’ve had a great month; ahhh, what the heck, I’ve been blessed my whole life.  These past few weeks, I’ve had some people from my past,  either calling me or writing.  It’s amazing, because things don’t ” just happen” in our lives, and we then move on to something else, and life is just utopia. That thing that “just happened” years ago;  maybe it’s 20 years, or more, until we actually  “get” the outcome.  I had a buddy give me a call in the past few days.  Hadn’t spoken in years; really didn’t speak by phone all that much, anyway.  Found out he had lost his wife after a long marriage, close to 45 years or so.  Wanted to hear my story, I wanted to hear his.  We both said a cup of coffee might be the right  thing to do.  Life has it’s little valley/mountains cycle for everyone; so I know that I sound like a broken record when I say accept what life gives you.  It might not be what you planned, but it’s what you got.  Accept it, and no matter what it is, good and/or bad, there’s always a positive in the situation.  I can honestly say, and this is NOT a pat on my back, or anything like that; but I never asked the question of “WHY” with my brain tumors.  It just is what it is, and I said o.k., I guess I’m strong enough to go through this, and come out of it and know that I have to re-build myself, of some sort; but I don’t think that I got all of that until after the second surgery, and the seizure, also.  I have spoken to SO many people who have had episodes in their lives, that I just marvel at how they come back, and then carry on their lives, in such a positive manner.

So as I’m having coffee with my friend, and his big question was “why” ( for me).  Here’s a man who is carrying on greatly, with his loss, and can’t understand how my life (my brain tumors) turned out, considering how I’ve always taken care of myself.  I just had to open up and tell him that could all change tomorrow; it could change right now with me not knowing it.  Or, it could give me another 40-50 years; just don’t know, and really, it doesn’t weigh heavily on my half-brain. I can’t control it, but I CAN control now.  So try to make “now”, something you can enjoy. 

What did you like about today?  Was it a cup of coffee, where you did a lot of laughing, from things that you experienced with someone?  Or was it that beautiful sunset, or sunrise, or whatever else that you experienced?  I know it wasn’t about the hiccups that you had.  Boy, do I have a story on that one.  I’ll get to that one.  Sometimes, we focus on that ONE thing that took our mind away, that day.  That’s only one thing, there are several other things that could put a smile on our faces, especially for the future.  How many times have you thought of something that you did, or was part of, and you laugh, or smile, or something appreciative, down the road.  You’ve been planning your future from your past, and sometimes not even realizing it!!  Pretty cool stuff.

So I’m in the hospital, the first time, and the doctors are still trying to find out the problem the first few days.  MRI’s, CT scans, E.E.G., and some meds.  So I’m on the medications that I certainly don’t remember the names of, and what happens; the hiccups start.  Hiccups.  They keep on going;  on through tomorrow, and the night after…. try four-and-a-half days!!  Four-and-a- half days.  You get so bored hiccupping, that you start watching the clock. 
Every 5 seconds, hick, 5 more seconds, hick…that will kick your butt.  Slice open the head, peel back the skin,  cut muscle tissue, tear out an ol’ brain tumor, and then  stitch it all back up, and what do you remember?  THE HICCUPS!!!  That’s how we sometimes operate.  We have a lot to be excited about.  I came out of a surgery with no speech problems, most of my physical abilities returned, with the doctors getting what they wanted; and what do I think about, hiccups!  Why so we do that?  So much good comes out of this situation, and I think about hiccups.  So you see what I’m saying, here, is that we CAN control our thinking.  No matter what is happening, physically, I can control my thinking.  If you had a bad day at work, and now you’re going home, you’re FREE of all of the negative bulls*^t from work; you’re going home!  Make it what you want.  That’s why I never asked “why”.  I just focused on what I could do; and that turned out to be a lot.  More that what I thought it would/could do. 

By the way, I know I can sit here, write all of this, and make it sound so easy.  Sometimes it isn’t.  You do have the option to think any way you want.  Make it something that you can do.  Make it something that you like.  Sometimes when you do that, the positive accomplishments really start to gather, and your thinking starts to go in a direction that you DO feel less stressed.  Sometimes that is a huge deal.  No stress.  Try that one on.

So look what a cup of coffee can do.  I see a lot of where I would like to go.  Will I get there?  I don’t know, but I certainly won’t stress out over it, either.  I am thinking, though, what if I had a double shot of expresso?  Man, I could really fly to the future….

Enjoy the caffine.